Last night I was too tired to update. There was a "tuck in" with Beaver, which consisted of eating delicious chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies and watching Old School. What a random movie. There was like no context..it just jumped right into the middle of these peoples' lives. Oh well, it was entertaining enough.

Ok, so I actually usually don't waste time on recreational activities. I waste my time worrying about things when I know I could be getting something done..but clarity of thought eludes me.
Right now I'm still miserable. Math is the cause of this ill. And it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the bulb burned out. But I'm just terribly unmotivated. I force myself to do the work..we go so fast I'm merely completing the problems without truly understanding/retaining any of it, which obviously is bad. I can't see the value of this class. I can't see how I'm learning. I just want to learn something practical for once in my life. Like how to drive a stick shift. How can I apply this knowledge (aside from the far-fetched "application problems")? So I'm finding it hard to become motivated because I don't even know if I want to stick with this path that I've blindly followed because it's "what's expected." So perhaps there is deeply-rooted yearning for practicality and real usefulness. Or perhaps I'm just lazy and give up easily.

I wish the midterm was this Tuesday instead of next Tuesday. Just to get it over with. Tomorrow I am studying with Melissa. We're still going on with new material. Our instructor is doing a practice midterm a week from tomorrow. And I've got this huge list of review problems from everything we've covered. Joy of joys. If only I didn't equate passing this class with my continued successful existence. Walking back to the co-op from class the other day Jasmine commented, "so you worry a lot, do you get sick more often?" Surprisingly enough, I've managed to avoid that consequence. Just wait until my appendix explodes or something.